Web Crawler: Nicolas Cage Talks to His Agent
Ever wonder why some actors choose such lousy films to be in? Have you watched a movie like Ghost Rider or Bangkok Dangerous and asked yourself why Nicolas Cage is still allowed to make movies? College Humor has put together this clever dialogue between Nic Cage and his agent. It may answer those burning questions like what is the deal with Cage’s hair and what his asking price is to do a crappy movie. Check this out after the jump.
| Phonecall: | Result: |
| Cage: Nick Cage’s phone. This is Nick Cage.
Cage’s Agent: Nick, baby, I got a movie offer for you on my desk. Cage: I’ll do it. Cage’s Agent: Don’t you want to see a script or something? Cage: I haven’t read a script since Leaving Las Vegas. Just sign me up. Cage’s Agent: Do you even want to know the title? Cage: I pay you to do these things for me. Tell them I can film the whole thing next week. |
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| Cage: That was terrible.
Cage’s Agent: I know but I’m looking at your next blockbuster right now. In this one you can see into the future. Cage: Sounds cool. Will my face take up a third of the poster again?Cage’s Agent: I can make it happen. Cage: I’m in. |
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Cage: My own mother didn’t see that one. What’s the point of hiring an agent if you can’t find me a hit?
Cage’s Agent:Fair, but you know what’s in right now? Sequels.
Cage: You sure?
Cage’s Agent: Absolutely, you can’t miss. I’ve already got an offer for a new chapter to that treasure movie.
Cage: Just get me top billing.
Cage’s Agent: Naturally
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Cage’s Agent: Ok that was a flop but I’m really feeling this next project. Another action film. And this time you can wear your hair long.
Cage: Damn you really know how to rope me in.
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Cage: You need to get me some better work. I was dusting my Oscar last night and I’m pretty sure he was frowning at me.
Cage’s Agent: Ok I promise this next one is going to be a hit. Your character knows the future.
Cage: Didn’t I just do that plot?
Cage’s Agent:They’re offering 20 million.
Cage: You know, I could always use another castle.
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| Phonecall: | Result: |
| Cage: Nick Cage’s phone. This is Nick Cage.
Cage’s Agent: Nick, baby, I got a movie offer for you on my desk. Cage: I’ll do it. Cage’s Agent: Don’t you want to see a script or something? Cage: I haven’t read a script since Leaving Las Vegas. Just sign me up. Cage’s Agent: Do you even want to know the title? Cage: I pay you to do these things for me. Tell them I can film the whole thing next week. |
|
| Cage: That was terrible.
Cage’s Agent: I know but I’m looking at your next blockbuster right now. In this one you can see into the future. Cage: Sounds cool. Will my face take up a third of the poster again?Cage’s Agent: I can make it happen. Cage: I’m in. |
|
|
Cage: My own mother didn’t see that one. What’s the point of hiring an agent if you can’t find me a hit?
Cage’s Agent:Fair, but you know what’s in right now? Sequels.
Cage: You sure?
Cage’s Agent: Absolutely, you can’t miss. I’ve already got an offer for a new chapter to that treasure movie.
Cage: Just get me top billing.
Cage’s Agent: Naturally
|
|
|
Cage’s Agent: Ok that was a flop but I’m really feeling this next project. Another action film. And this time you can wear your hair long.
Cage: Damn you really know how to rope me in.
|
|
|
Cage: You need to get me some better work. I was dusting my Oscar last night and I’m pretty sure he was frowning at me.
Cage’s Agent: Ok I promise this next one is going to be a hit. Your character knows the future.
Cage: Didn’t I just do that plot?
Cage’s Agent:They’re offering 20 million.
Cage: You know, I could always use another castle.
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1 Comment
this made me laugh pretty hard. i can imagine in real life, it might have actually been something like this